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Awesome day today.
Got up early and ate breakfast and watched the snow. Gave Lee a kiss and then went out into the world(!) with my aunt and uncle. We went down to Southern MD to see my cousin's dance show. I kinda love Southern MD. There is a company down there called ManTech. I saw 5 guys in various forms of camo in one Taco Bell. And they have baskets of 10 for $10 chito barrels.
And C's campus is beautiful. A bit like a New England college, a bit like an insane asylum I once went to. Large brick buildings. But you can go out and sign a boat out on the lake! C goes kayaking regularly! Her dorm is right there on the water.
And her dances were really beautiful. She grow so much every time I see her. I'm very proud. :-)
We went to her dorm afterwords. It was a bit ridiculous to be in a dorm again. They are so small and weird, but awesome. It made me feel old. But she seems to be having an fantastic time! The school is a really good fit for her.
We had dining hall food, which of course was dining hall food. I had the salad mostly and some sweet potato pie. But the hall they eat in has a vaulted roof, so they call it the Great Hall (a la Harry Potter) or a viking mead hall.
We drove home in the snow. At times it was like driving through a snow tunnel, where the vanishing point was right above your eye level, a few feet away. It was disorienting and strange, but really neat!
When I got back, Lee and I ate dinner and watched FlashForward. Then I ran over to Mel and Tolm's place and we watched all of season one and two of The Guild to introduce CSmith. Heh! Guild-ed. Fun times
Goood adventuresome day, all around.
Got up early and ate breakfast and watched the snow. Gave Lee a kiss and then went out into the world(!) with my aunt and uncle. We went down to Southern MD to see my cousin's dance show. I kinda love Southern MD. There is a company down there called ManTech. I saw 5 guys in various forms of camo in one Taco Bell. And they have baskets of 10 for $10 chito barrels.
And C's campus is beautiful. A bit like a New England college, a bit like an insane asylum I once went to. Large brick buildings. But you can go out and sign a boat out on the lake! C goes kayaking regularly! Her dorm is right there on the water.
And her dances were really beautiful. She grow so much every time I see her. I'm very proud. :-)
We went to her dorm afterwords. It was a bit ridiculous to be in a dorm again. They are so small and weird, but awesome. It made me feel old. But she seems to be having an fantastic time! The school is a really good fit for her.
We had dining hall food, which of course was dining hall food. I had the salad mostly and some sweet potato pie. But the hall they eat in has a vaulted roof, so they call it the Great Hall (a la Harry Potter) or a viking mead hall.
We drove home in the snow. At times it was like driving through a snow tunnel, where the vanishing point was right above your eye level, a few feet away. It was disorienting and strange, but really neat!
When I got back, Lee and I ate dinner and watched FlashForward. Then I ran over to Mel and Tolm's place and we watched all of season one and two of The Guild to introduce CSmith. Heh! Guild-ed. Fun times
Goood adventuresome day, all around.
This day has been dull dull dull. But to force myself to believe that I don't have a boring life, I am going to recount the myriad of interesting moments that happened today.
- The mayor came to my school. To a fireman's graduation with lots of pretty firemen in uniform. There were bagpipes involved. To make way for the mayor (whose coming was a surprise) my boss Deb rushes us outside to change the marquee sign from Ngala Muti's show dates (which is long over) to Happy Holidays before he arrives.
- One of my friends wore suspenders today, and he entered my office by opening the door with his head.
- I stood on a chair cuz I felt like it.
- I went to the library which is the best place ever, but I could only stay for a half an hour. I got two books though: Twice Upon a Time: Women Writers and the History of the Fairy Tale, and The Writer's Art.
- Listened to the new Glee songs.
- A dog came in to my office.
- I discovered a LOTR prequel on youtube about Aragorn searching for Gollum made in the style of the movies.
- The mayor came to my school. To a fireman's graduation with lots of pretty firemen in uniform. There were bagpipes involved. To make way for the mayor (whose coming was a surprise) my boss Deb rushes us outside to change the marquee sign from Ngala Muti's show dates (which is long over) to Happy Holidays before he arrives.
- One of my friends wore suspenders today, and he entered my office by opening the door with his head.
- I stood on a chair cuz I felt like it.
- I went to the library which is the best place ever, but I could only stay for a half an hour. I got two books though: Twice Upon a Time: Women Writers and the History of the Fairy Tale, and The Writer's Art.
- Listened to the new Glee songs.
- A dog came in to my office.
- I discovered a LOTR prequel on youtube about Aragorn searching for Gollum made in the style of the movies.
I had a dream last night. The earliest bit I can remember is that I was reading a book. It was a kids book, with large pictures, but it was a very boringly written history of the world. They were on the section about African American history. I put the book down and saw that I was a TA for a class of elementary school students. They all wanted my autograph, but the pen wouldn't work. I said "You know what? I'm going to be here tomorrow, and we can do it then." They were very excited. "Really?" They said. "Yep," I replied. "And the day after that, and they day after that and the day after that..."
I looked to the side, and saw Neil Gaiman. I was in a sewer system just coming out of a manhole cover leading do a deeper system of tunnels. Neil was there waiting for me in his long black coat and mop of hair, with a long grey scarf and dark John Lennon sunglasses. He was upset with me because I hadn't turned up for days. He had been waiting for me. He was being snarky about the fact that we had a mission to accomplish, and I didn't seem to be taking it seriously. He said something about trying a spell that could "get the lion out of my system." He didn't mean Aslan, I knew. For some reason I thought he might mean Lee. I knew, though, that at the beginning of the spell casting I would be able to tell what the spell was trying to do, and I would be able to stop it if I needed to.
The sewers had dissolved and we were in the courtyard of Hartke Theatre crossing it from the parking lot to the breezeway. We stopped right before the breezeway to do a spell. This was a spell of revealing, so that we could see whatever magic had been done. It involved a lot of sprinkling silver glittery stuff. Apparently, Neil and I were investigating magical crimes. Just as we were finishing the ritual, one of Neil's friends emerged from the theatre, and asked us what we were doing. Neil rather over-jovially greeted his friend, said "Oh, nothing, nothing!" and changed the subject while leading his friend way. The spell had worked though, and we were able to start looking for traces of magic in the air unobtrusively.
The last image of my dream was rather funny, because sometimes my dreams tell me jokes or do puns that I don't understand until I wake up. The image was of a ring that was crucial to the investigation. On the ring was the image of a swan and it had the impression of being a family symbol or crest. Only my brain did not say swan, it said "Cygnus" another word for swan (also the swan constellation). I knew that that was important that it was on a family crest ring, that the word for the kind of ring was some how coincidental and funny.
When I woke up, I thought about it for a second and laughed: cygnus/ signet ring.
The more I think about it, the more I feel like the dream is about my future and what I want to do with my life. Being a teacher/librarian is my real life goal, but my dream goal would be to be an author like Neil Gaiman and study magic, the occult, myths and legends to write fiction about it.
In the plot of the dream, it seems like I am trying to be a teacher when I should be out magic-ing with Neil. Can't figure out the significance of the swan though. Nothing I can come up with seems to be relevant.
UPDATE: Baby swans are also called signets. The swan had a crown on it, which I forgot to tell you, and keeps feeling like its something from Scarlet Pimpernel.
I looked to the side, and saw Neil Gaiman. I was in a sewer system just coming out of a manhole cover leading do a deeper system of tunnels. Neil was there waiting for me in his long black coat and mop of hair, with a long grey scarf and dark John Lennon sunglasses. He was upset with me because I hadn't turned up for days. He had been waiting for me. He was being snarky about the fact that we had a mission to accomplish, and I didn't seem to be taking it seriously. He said something about trying a spell that could "get the lion out of my system." He didn't mean Aslan, I knew. For some reason I thought he might mean Lee. I knew, though, that at the beginning of the spell casting I would be able to tell what the spell was trying to do, and I would be able to stop it if I needed to.
The sewers had dissolved and we were in the courtyard of Hartke Theatre crossing it from the parking lot to the breezeway. We stopped right before the breezeway to do a spell. This was a spell of revealing, so that we could see whatever magic had been done. It involved a lot of sprinkling silver glittery stuff. Apparently, Neil and I were investigating magical crimes. Just as we were finishing the ritual, one of Neil's friends emerged from the theatre, and asked us what we were doing. Neil rather over-jovially greeted his friend, said "Oh, nothing, nothing!" and changed the subject while leading his friend way. The spell had worked though, and we were able to start looking for traces of magic in the air unobtrusively.
The last image of my dream was rather funny, because sometimes my dreams tell me jokes or do puns that I don't understand until I wake up. The image was of a ring that was crucial to the investigation. On the ring was the image of a swan and it had the impression of being a family symbol or crest. Only my brain did not say swan, it said "Cygnus" another word for swan (also the swan constellation). I knew that that was important that it was on a family crest ring, that the word for the kind of ring was some how coincidental and funny.
When I woke up, I thought about it for a second and laughed: cygnus/ signet ring.
The more I think about it, the more I feel like the dream is about my future and what I want to do with my life. Being a teacher/librarian is my real life goal, but my dream goal would be to be an author like Neil Gaiman and study magic, the occult, myths and legends to write fiction about it.
In the plot of the dream, it seems like I am trying to be a teacher when I should be out magic-ing with Neil. Can't figure out the significance of the swan though. Nothing I can come up with seems to be relevant.
UPDATE: Baby swans are also called signets. The swan had a crown on it, which I forgot to tell you, and keeps feeling like its something from Scarlet Pimpernel.
Ok, so I feel really awesome today. More awesome than I have felt in a long time.
It all started last night when I was watching Flashforward with Lee. There is a plot line about a doctor trying to find this Asian girl he saw in his flashforward. In this episode we get to meet her. She is a girl who works in a really boring and demeaning engineering company, and she defies her family by quitting the job and moving to America. She gets a tattoo on her wrist that says "Believe."
For some reason, the image and idea of that struck me. I've been kind of coasting through life, not doing things because I felt I would inevitably fail at them. And really, all you have to do is believe that you can do something, and you probably will. You empower yourself. If you don't believe that you can do something, and still try, you will probably fail.
But if you say, "I am going to write a book because I believe I can," it adds a whole layer of expectation. Its not other people who are expecting you to do it. You are expecting yourself to do it.
And this doesn't even just apply to long term things. It applies to things like cleaning a room. Expressing your opinions. Jumping headfirst into activities you enjoy. Any goal you have. If you believe you can do it, it adds an incredibly energy to the activity. A purpose.
Now this morning, I had a regular cup of coffee, not my usual mocha. So my body has been going faster than my brain. But I've been getting a hell of a lot of stuff done at work due to a) my state of mind, and b) my coffee. But I feel like the caffeine that I had at 9am should have worn off by now, and it has not.
I was thinking about the whole "believe" think at work today, and I got an extra layer. Its not just about me. Its not what I can or can't do. Its about my place in the universe. I came to a realization that not only did I not believe in myself, I kind of had pushed any sort of divine plan out of my brain. It was just me struggling in this world that was too big for me.
But then I realized if I reminded myself that I had help, that I had a purpose, even if I didn't know it, that there was some sort of guiding force in life, not only could I do things because I thought I could do them, I could do things because God thought I could do them. That everyone is connected and that I could affect change for the better. That I could be a force for good, rather than a person who watched.
This way, the drive is not my usual "I have to be perfect at everything I do the first go around." It is a process. I keep believing in and striving for the goal, rather than getting angry at myself when I don't get it the first time. I know that eventually I will get it.
It all started last night when I was watching Flashforward with Lee. There is a plot line about a doctor trying to find this Asian girl he saw in his flashforward. In this episode we get to meet her. She is a girl who works in a really boring and demeaning engineering company, and she defies her family by quitting the job and moving to America. She gets a tattoo on her wrist that says "Believe."
For some reason, the image and idea of that struck me. I've been kind of coasting through life, not doing things because I felt I would inevitably fail at them. And really, all you have to do is believe that you can do something, and you probably will. You empower yourself. If you don't believe that you can do something, and still try, you will probably fail.
But if you say, "I am going to write a book because I believe I can," it adds a whole layer of expectation. Its not other people who are expecting you to do it. You are expecting yourself to do it.
And this doesn't even just apply to long term things. It applies to things like cleaning a room. Expressing your opinions. Jumping headfirst into activities you enjoy. Any goal you have. If you believe you can do it, it adds an incredibly energy to the activity. A purpose.
Now this morning, I had a regular cup of coffee, not my usual mocha. So my body has been going faster than my brain. But I've been getting a hell of a lot of stuff done at work due to a) my state of mind, and b) my coffee. But I feel like the caffeine that I had at 9am should have worn off by now, and it has not.
I was thinking about the whole "believe" think at work today, and I got an extra layer. Its not just about me. Its not what I can or can't do. Its about my place in the universe. I came to a realization that not only did I not believe in myself, I kind of had pushed any sort of divine plan out of my brain. It was just me struggling in this world that was too big for me.
But then I realized if I reminded myself that I had help, that I had a purpose, even if I didn't know it, that there was some sort of guiding force in life, not only could I do things because I thought I could do them, I could do things because God thought I could do them. That everyone is connected and that I could affect change for the better. That I could be a force for good, rather than a person who watched.
This way, the drive is not my usual "I have to be perfect at everything I do the first go around." It is a process. I keep believing in and striving for the goal, rather than getting angry at myself when I don't get it the first time. I know that eventually I will get it.
GAH! Class was so frustrating today.
The TA taught our class, and he started by talking about the movie Excalibur. He was trying to make the point that 80s audiences expected different things from movies than modern day audiences.
However, he did it by saying that the special effects in the movie were 80s effects, and thus in the age of CG, we did not like the movie b/c it didn't look real. Which I heartily disagree with. One, the movie was bad. Not b/c of special effects. I don't remember a single special effect that was not well done, though 80s. The story was bad. The acting was bad. The direction was bad. That is why we did not like it. He made it seem like we could not appreciate 80s special effects because we were, what, youngins? I often prefer 80s special effects over CG. Think of how many good movies we love that have 80s special effects, but are great stories, so we watch them?? Neverending story. Ghost. Labyrinth. Dark Crystal. Ghostbusters. Back to the Future. And don't forget the movies we love even BECAUSE of the 80's special effects, like Bill and Ted, or Brazil!
So that started me seething.
THEN, he started talking about the Golden Bough and people like that as if their ideas weren't valid. If Joseph Campbell's ideas aren't inherently correct, than what is the point of studying myth?? Why is it so much a part of our zeitgeist?
And then he started in to what makes good acting and directing choices and I just decided to shut up.
And then I come back to work, and discover that my student workers have been filing all the anthologies in with the regular plays (which are alphabetical by author) as alphabetical by editor! No one is going to look for a Shakespeare play under who compiled the choice of works! I even found Peter Brook's The Empty Space amunsgst the plays.
I have many good things to be Thankful for today. Like going to see the opening of Ngala Muti with Csmith. And Lee not being sick. I just needed to vent before I could do anything else.
The TA taught our class, and he started by talking about the movie Excalibur. He was trying to make the point that 80s audiences expected different things from movies than modern day audiences.
However, he did it by saying that the special effects in the movie were 80s effects, and thus in the age of CG, we did not like the movie b/c it didn't look real. Which I heartily disagree with. One, the movie was bad. Not b/c of special effects. I don't remember a single special effect that was not well done, though 80s. The story was bad. The acting was bad. The direction was bad. That is why we did not like it. He made it seem like we could not appreciate 80s special effects because we were, what, youngins? I often prefer 80s special effects over CG. Think of how many good movies we love that have 80s special effects, but are great stories, so we watch them?? Neverending story. Ghost. Labyrinth. Dark Crystal. Ghostbusters. Back to the Future. And don't forget the movies we love even BECAUSE of the 80's special effects, like Bill and Ted, or Brazil!
So that started me seething.
THEN, he started talking about the Golden Bough and people like that as if their ideas weren't valid. If Joseph Campbell's ideas aren't inherently correct, than what is the point of studying myth?? Why is it so much a part of our zeitgeist?
And then he started in to what makes good acting and directing choices and I just decided to shut up.
And then I come back to work, and discover that my student workers have been filing all the anthologies in with the regular plays (which are alphabetical by author) as alphabetical by editor! No one is going to look for a Shakespeare play under who compiled the choice of works! I even found Peter Brook's The Empty Space amunsgst the plays.
I have many good things to be Thankful for today. Like going to see the opening of Ngala Muti with Csmith. And Lee not being sick. I just needed to vent before I could do anything else.
So as soon as I write down my dreams, they come in droves.
Ok so last night I dreamed I was shopping and I saw a red hat with a hedgehog on it. I was so excited b/c the hedgehog is my symbol. I put it on and it was so long it came down to my chin, so I folded it. It was really tight. I also found a yoyo with a hedgehog cut into it, like those wood lanterns that let the light shine out of designs cut into the wood.
However, I was with someone who was making snide remarks at me, and I looked in the mirror and saw the hat was making my hair stick out funny. I realized that I couldn't spend all my money now b/c I only had 2 paychecks til Christmas, and wanted to buy presents for my family. So I put the yoyo back and decided to keep the hat. It was time to go, so I put everything in a white shopping bag, and I picked it up. I looked inside it and realized it was the wrong bag b/c it was filled with all my placemats. I laughed and made some comment like "Well, that would have been bad." I took the right bag and started to leave the store, but I was actually leaving for the train station. The items in my bag were things I was taking on a trip.
I ended up at the trainstation and I was in the middle of a story about a theatre company. The old props master was meticulous and posted a detailed, typed list on the station door in a certain way. He had left or retired, and was either coming back temporarily or for a visit. He saw that the props list on the door just had 2 items handwritten in large black magic marker and he threw a fit. He stormed over to the artistic director, who was in a crowd of actors and techies and yelled about it. Everyone laughed, and thought it was great that he was back.
The crowd then appeared projected on a screen. It was my job to solve a mystery. My theory was that each of the tarot cards that this dead person had made looked like someone in the crowd. I paused the picture and projected the tarot cards on the screen one at a time, trying to match the faces.
Ok so last night I dreamed I was shopping and I saw a red hat with a hedgehog on it. I was so excited b/c the hedgehog is my symbol. I put it on and it was so long it came down to my chin, so I folded it. It was really tight. I also found a yoyo with a hedgehog cut into it, like those wood lanterns that let the light shine out of designs cut into the wood.
However, I was with someone who was making snide remarks at me, and I looked in the mirror and saw the hat was making my hair stick out funny. I realized that I couldn't spend all my money now b/c I only had 2 paychecks til Christmas, and wanted to buy presents for my family. So I put the yoyo back and decided to keep the hat. It was time to go, so I put everything in a white shopping bag, and I picked it up. I looked inside it and realized it was the wrong bag b/c it was filled with all my placemats. I laughed and made some comment like "Well, that would have been bad." I took the right bag and started to leave the store, but I was actually leaving for the train station. The items in my bag were things I was taking on a trip.
I ended up at the trainstation and I was in the middle of a story about a theatre company. The old props master was meticulous and posted a detailed, typed list on the station door in a certain way. He had left or retired, and was either coming back temporarily or for a visit. He saw that the props list on the door just had 2 items handwritten in large black magic marker and he threw a fit. He stormed over to the artistic director, who was in a crowd of actors and techies and yelled about it. Everyone laughed, and thought it was great that he was back.
The crowd then appeared projected on a screen. It was my job to solve a mystery. My theory was that each of the tarot cards that this dead person had made looked like someone in the crowd. I paused the picture and projected the tarot cards on the screen one at a time, trying to match the faces.
I feel like a journal is a lot like God. You don't use them unless you feel really crappy.
There has been a stormcloud over my head for the last few days. Tuesday, it seemed like everything that came out of my mouth was not only the wrong thing to say, it was a potentially harmful statement for the department. Not intentionally, or maliciously. Just I would reveal too much information. It made me wish I was in a job that had no politics. I used to be afraid to say anything, and now I don't think before I speak.
I feel like I am lacking in discipline. I don't think before I react, I am very rarely self-motivated. I never finish projects. Its gotten to the point where I don't even start project when I have the idea, because I will only get lazy and disappoint myself.
Where do I go to learn discipline? The only thing I can think of is martial arts and meditation. And I don't start them b/c I know something else is going to get in the way and I am going to quit half way through.
I also feel creatively unfulfilled, as TWood pointed out to me the other day. I work, I come home, I watch TV. I sleep. At least my dreams are getting interesting again (more on that later). He suggested writing, hence the resurrecting of the journal. I realized that the journal used to help me self-analyze. And while that made me blow a lot of things out of proportion, it also helped me realize why I do what I do. I have a feeling that a lot of my coming-out-of-my-shell is due to that.
So I am writing. He also suggested taking a photo a day, the content of which would encapsulate the feeling of the day. I have already had several ideas for today, but no camera on my person. I'll try to remember it tomorrow.
I'm trying to cut back on TV and bump up the reading. I finished Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Finally. It only took me like 2 months. But it helped immensely that I had listened to it on tape before. It always inspires me how these people survived without TV. They read. They talked to each other. They wrote. They played parlor games. It is something I would love to do. Of course, see above. I saw Pirate Radio and felt the same way. All they had was the boat, the radio, board games and each other.
Tonight is going well though. I watched a little TV with breakfast this morning (a new BBC show called Kingdom with Stephen Fry). I went to work and deleted all the stuff in my Hulu queue that I didn't actually want to watch. Right now I am writing while cooking dinner for Lee. :-) Is nice.
My dreams have been odd lately. The fact that I am having them at all is a miracle. Mostly they have been dreams about having a mission to accomplish. Last night I was shoe shopping and discovered a shoe that could have a heal, or not. It converted with snaps. There was another bit where I was trying to get information from a baby. The information was vital for whatever I was looking for. The baby was trying to tell me, but I was only one who could understand him. Everyone was goo goo and gagaing at him and keeping him from talking to me. The baby shrank to fit in the palm of my hand, and started to talk, but then a spoon came out of his mouth.
I've had dreams about the usual large gothic Victorian school where I see people I know and have to get some where and do something.
I can't remember them right now, but they were very vivid when I woke up.
Apparently really tiny babies symbolize my helplessness and my fears of letting others become aware of my vulnerabilities and incompetence. It is so true, especially since I had the dream between last night and today. A spoon means that I need nourishment. Which seems to jive with what I have written above.
We shall see what happens. I have to attend to the chicken now. Its good to be back though!
There has been a stormcloud over my head for the last few days. Tuesday, it seemed like everything that came out of my mouth was not only the wrong thing to say, it was a potentially harmful statement for the department. Not intentionally, or maliciously. Just I would reveal too much information. It made me wish I was in a job that had no politics. I used to be afraid to say anything, and now I don't think before I speak.
I feel like I am lacking in discipline. I don't think before I react, I am very rarely self-motivated. I never finish projects. Its gotten to the point where I don't even start project when I have the idea, because I will only get lazy and disappoint myself.
Where do I go to learn discipline? The only thing I can think of is martial arts and meditation. And I don't start them b/c I know something else is going to get in the way and I am going to quit half way through.
I also feel creatively unfulfilled, as TWood pointed out to me the other day. I work, I come home, I watch TV. I sleep. At least my dreams are getting interesting again (more on that later). He suggested writing, hence the resurrecting of the journal. I realized that the journal used to help me self-analyze. And while that made me blow a lot of things out of proportion, it also helped me realize why I do what I do. I have a feeling that a lot of my coming-out-of-my-shell is due to that.
So I am writing. He also suggested taking a photo a day, the content of which would encapsulate the feeling of the day. I have already had several ideas for today, but no camera on my person. I'll try to remember it tomorrow.
I'm trying to cut back on TV and bump up the reading. I finished Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Finally. It only took me like 2 months. But it helped immensely that I had listened to it on tape before. It always inspires me how these people survived without TV. They read. They talked to each other. They wrote. They played parlor games. It is something I would love to do. Of course, see above. I saw Pirate Radio and felt the same way. All they had was the boat, the radio, board games and each other.
Tonight is going well though. I watched a little TV with breakfast this morning (a new BBC show called Kingdom with Stephen Fry). I went to work and deleted all the stuff in my Hulu queue that I didn't actually want to watch. Right now I am writing while cooking dinner for Lee. :-) Is nice.
My dreams have been odd lately. The fact that I am having them at all is a miracle. Mostly they have been dreams about having a mission to accomplish. Last night I was shoe shopping and discovered a shoe that could have a heal, or not. It converted with snaps. There was another bit where I was trying to get information from a baby. The information was vital for whatever I was looking for. The baby was trying to tell me, but I was only one who could understand him. Everyone was goo goo and gagaing at him and keeping him from talking to me. The baby shrank to fit in the palm of my hand, and started to talk, but then a spoon came out of his mouth.
I've had dreams about the usual large gothic Victorian school where I see people I know and have to get some where and do something.
I can't remember them right now, but they were very vivid when I woke up.
Apparently really tiny babies symbolize my helplessness and my fears of letting others become aware of my vulnerabilities and incompetence. It is so true, especially since I had the dream between last night and today. A spoon means that I need nourishment. Which seems to jive with what I have written above.
We shall see what happens. I have to attend to the chicken now. Its good to be back though!
Today was a good day.
A very fall-y day.
Woke up late from actual dreams, which I haven't had in forever. Had a breakfast of eggs, toast and sausage, tea and juice with Lee while watching Star Trek.
Went out to leave Lee in peace (as he is working from home today), and found out that Csmith was going to Downtown Silver Spring too, so we made a date of it. Bought some fall clothes, had coffee, almost bought a fall coat, and got Away We Go.
Off to book club now. Good day.
A very fall-y day.
Woke up late from actual dreams, which I haven't had in forever. Had a breakfast of eggs, toast and sausage, tea and juice with Lee while watching Star Trek.
Went out to leave Lee in peace (as he is working from home today), and found out that Csmith was going to Downtown Silver Spring too, so we made a date of it. Bought some fall clothes, had coffee, almost bought a fall coat, and got Away We Go.
Off to book club now. Good day.
Ok, I usually don't publish my favorite quotes from a book until I finish it, but I came across this in The Big Over Easy and had to post it:
PRINCE SOUGHT AFTER SLAYING
Police were called to Elsinore Castle yesterday to investigate the unnatural death of one of the King's closest advisers. Married, a father of two, Mr. Polonius was discovered stabbed and his body hidden under the stairs to the lobby, although fibers recovered from his wound match wall hangings in the Queen's bedchamber. DI Dogberry, fresh from his successful solving of the Desdemona murder, told us, "We are eager to integrate a Prince who was absurd in the area shortly after." Sources close to the King tell us that Prince Hamlet has been erratically ever since the unexpected yet entirely natural and unsuspicious death of his father eight weeks before.
- Extract from the Elsinore Tatler, June 16, 1408
PRINCE SOUGHT AFTER SLAYING
Police were called to Elsinore Castle yesterday to investigate the unnatural death of one of the King's closest advisers. Married, a father of two, Mr. Polonius was discovered stabbed and his body hidden under the stairs to the lobby, although fibers recovered from his wound match wall hangings in the Queen's bedchamber. DI Dogberry, fresh from his successful solving of the Desdemona murder, told us, "We are eager to integrate a Prince who was absurd in the area shortly after." Sources close to the King tell us that Prince Hamlet has been erratically ever since the unexpected yet entirely natural and unsuspicious death of his father eight weeks before.
- Extract from the Elsinore Tatler, June 16, 1408
I can't really explain it,
I haven't got the words
It's a feeling that you can't control
I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are
And at the same time something makes you whole
It's like that there's a music playing in your ear
And I'm listening, and I'm listening and then I disappear
And then I feel a change
Like a fire deep inside
Something bursting me wide open impossible to hide
And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird
Like electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I'm free I'm free
It's a bit like being angry,
it's a bit like being scared
Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell
It's like when you've been crying
And you're empty and you're full
I don't know what it is, it's hard to tell
It's like that there's a music playing in your ear
But the music is impossible, impossible to hear
But then I feel it move me
Like a burning deep inside
Something bursting me wide open impossible to hide
And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird
Like electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I'm free I'm free
Electricity, sparks inside of me
And I'm free, I'm free
I'm free. Free I'm free
- Billy Elliot
Libra (September 23-October 22)
I got an interesting spam today. A company that said it was very proud of its high-quality work offered to sell me phony credentials that are impossible to distinguish from the real thing. What caught my attention the most were the degrees from Harvard and Stanford. I wouldn't mind having one of those up on my wall. But in the end, I decided that instead of paying the company $230 for one of its excellent fakes, I'd simply make one myself. And instead of creating a degree from Harvard, I would have it be from a place where I actually have matriculated, namely the Raving Maniac Academy of Crazy Wisdom, which is the unruly school where I often find myself during my lucid dreams. I bring this up, Libra, because it would be an excellent time for you to make yourself a fancy fake diploma from whatever your equivalent is to my academy -- you know, the source that has been providing you with so much great teaching, even though it's not an official institution of higher education.
Mythic Hub University of Narnia
I got an interesting spam today. A company that said it was very proud of its high-quality work offered to sell me phony credentials that are impossible to distinguish from the real thing. What caught my attention the most were the degrees from Harvard and Stanford. I wouldn't mind having one of those up on my wall. But in the end, I decided that instead of paying the company $230 for one of its excellent fakes, I'd simply make one myself. And instead of creating a degree from Harvard, I would have it be from a place where I actually have matriculated, namely the Raving Maniac Academy of Crazy Wisdom, which is the unruly school where I often find myself during my lucid dreams. I bring this up, Libra, because it would be an excellent time for you to make yourself a fancy fake diploma from whatever your equivalent is to my academy -- you know, the source that has been providing you with so much great teaching, even though it's not an official institution of higher education.
Mythic Hub University of Narnia
I had a dream that I was riding a merry-go-round horse down a country road like in Mary Poppins. I believe Bert and Michael were also riding with me. I kept urging him faster and faster, and I felt the incredible speed and up and down motion. It was just on the border between thrilling and dangerous.
We reached a wooden fence in the woods and I pulled my horse to a stop. All the dogs from the Disney movies jumped over the fence and started barking at us. Lassie was there, as well as some dalmatians, the dogs from Lady and the Tramp, and the shaggy dog from either The Shaggy Dog or 101 Dalmatians. Walt Disney came out of the gate and started to scold them, telling to get back in the enclosure.
Suddenly, I was in the front yard of my parents house. My parents were gone and Lee and I were moving in to it. A forest had grown up around it and we were re-seeding the front lawn to have dirt paths. It was in the initial stages of growth and it looked a bit like a crop of young chive plants. I saw a large black stone sticking out of the lawn on the left side. It had an engraving on it. When I was farther away, it looked like it said something about the Lewis and Clark expedition, but when I got up close, it seemed to say that this was the original site of where Thomas Jefferson went to the dentist.
I took a step away from the stone and towards my house, and sunk in mud up to my ankle. I took another step, and sunk up to my neck. The yard had turned into swamp or quick sand. I didn't panic and started moving toward a concrete pillar. I pulled myself up and looked around. The forest path started filling with water, and a huge wave was approaching carrying on top of it an old lady in a yellow hat. She was flailing and in trouble, and so I pulled her up onto the island with me. A bunch of purple turtles came by, and we asked them for help. The old lady wanted the turtles to line up their young like a bridge so that we could walk over to dry land, but I suggested (thinking the turtles would not want to risk their young getting mushed) that we stand on the adults backs while they swim (a la Mary Poppins).
Suddenly, there was a time shift, like in Lost, and the land changed around us. A very young Walt Disney was there, building what would be Disney world out of planks of wood. He was in the process of sanding the land so it was no longer a swamp. There was a small time shift again and it had become a beach cabana bar, the first stage of Disney World. Walt Disney was the bar tender. Moochie was there (the kid from Pollyanna and Shaggy Dog, and Swiss Family Robinson). He was sick of being stuck in the past with me (I was adjusting well) and he wanted to get back to the present day. He hated always being cast as my little brother. He started running towards a large carnival umbrella (it was closed so it looked like a rocket), because that was where he could get back.
Let it be known, I haven't watched any Disney anything for at least a month or so.
We reached a wooden fence in the woods and I pulled my horse to a stop. All the dogs from the Disney movies jumped over the fence and started barking at us. Lassie was there, as well as some dalmatians, the dogs from Lady and the Tramp, and the shaggy dog from either The Shaggy Dog or 101 Dalmatians. Walt Disney came out of the gate and started to scold them, telling to get back in the enclosure.
Suddenly, I was in the front yard of my parents house. My parents were gone and Lee and I were moving in to it. A forest had grown up around it and we were re-seeding the front lawn to have dirt paths. It was in the initial stages of growth and it looked a bit like a crop of young chive plants. I saw a large black stone sticking out of the lawn on the left side. It had an engraving on it. When I was farther away, it looked like it said something about the Lewis and Clark expedition, but when I got up close, it seemed to say that this was the original site of where Thomas Jefferson went to the dentist.
I took a step away from the stone and towards my house, and sunk in mud up to my ankle. I took another step, and sunk up to my neck. The yard had turned into swamp or quick sand. I didn't panic and started moving toward a concrete pillar. I pulled myself up and looked around. The forest path started filling with water, and a huge wave was approaching carrying on top of it an old lady in a yellow hat. She was flailing and in trouble, and so I pulled her up onto the island with me. A bunch of purple turtles came by, and we asked them for help. The old lady wanted the turtles to line up their young like a bridge so that we could walk over to dry land, but I suggested (thinking the turtles would not want to risk their young getting mushed) that we stand on the adults backs while they swim (a la Mary Poppins).
Suddenly, there was a time shift, like in Lost, and the land changed around us. A very young Walt Disney was there, building what would be Disney world out of planks of wood. He was in the process of sanding the land so it was no longer a swamp. There was a small time shift again and it had become a beach cabana bar, the first stage of Disney World. Walt Disney was the bar tender. Moochie was there (the kid from Pollyanna and Shaggy Dog, and Swiss Family Robinson). He was sick of being stuck in the past with me (I was adjusting well) and he wanted to get back to the present day. He hated always being cast as my little brother. He started running towards a large carnival umbrella (it was closed so it looked like a rocket), because that was where he could get back.
Let it be known, I haven't watched any Disney anything for at least a month or so.
This gchat convo was sparked by this article about a newly discovered Italian City: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/natu
Caitlin: The Merchant of Altinum... The Vendor of Altinum... The Streetseller of Altinum...
me:
its pretty cool, huh?
Caitlin: indeed!
it sounds like a metal compound so my brain is picturing an ancient town made out of metal.
me: its true!
I keep thinking its "Atlantium"
and then that makes my brain think of adamantium
which is what wolverine is made out of.
Caitlin: haha, now it's Wolverine as Shylock in my head
and he just takes his pound of flesh without worrying about bonds
me:
Caitlin: wassup? ship sunk? dog am I? SLASH CHUNK
Portia's Rogue
me: I think we have pop culture's next mashup
Caitlin: hahaha!
Rorschach season 11, with a workshop of it next year
or we just email Hugh and be all - wanna do some "shakespeare"?
but with mental quotations, not typed ones.
directed by Tarantino
me: hot
Caitlin: all I can hear in my head now is the movie-preview announcer with the gravelly voice going "and he's out to get his pound of flesh..." rock music starts and you see W running through Altinum with his razors out screaming...EXPLOSION BEHIND HIM!
The Mutant of Altinum
The quality of mercy IS strained...
me: YES!
Caitlin: The Merchant of Altinum... The Vendor of Altinum... The Streetseller of Altinum...
me:
its pretty cool, huh?
Caitlin: indeed!
it sounds like a metal compound so my brain is picturing an ancient town made out of metal.
me: its true!
I keep thinking its "Atlantium"
and then that makes my brain think of adamantium
which is what wolverine is made out of.
Caitlin: haha, now it's Wolverine as Shylock in my head
and he just takes his pound of flesh without worrying about bonds
me:
Caitlin: wassup? ship sunk? dog am I? SLASH CHUNK
Portia's Rogue
me: I think we have pop culture's next mashup
Caitlin: hahaha!
Rorschach season 11, with a workshop of it next year
or we just email Hugh and be all - wanna do some "shakespeare"?
but with mental quotations, not typed ones.
directed by Tarantino
me: hot
Caitlin: all I can hear in my head now is the movie-preview announcer with the gravelly voice going "and he's out to get his pound of flesh..." rock music starts and you see W running through Altinum with his razors out screaming...EXPLOSION BEHIND HIM!
The Mutant of Altinum
The quality of mercy IS strained...
me: YES!
"On the other hand, my appearance on Kevin Smith's list of the five coolest people I've met at the San Diego Comic-Con http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/200
- From Neil Gaiman's Blog
- From Neil Gaiman's Blog
I remembered a dream! It's been forever!
I was riding in a car through the parking lot of Summit Hills at night. A friend was driving, possibly Caitlin, and there was a tall, skinny, black-haired boy (also my friend) in the passenger seat. I was in my usual seat in the back on the left.
We made a turn, and I could see piles of Christmas trees on the side of the parking lot. The Christmas tree vendor had just left their trees there after the holiday, and it was now summer. Caitlin and the boy were laughing and talking about it. The boy asked jokingly, "Do you have any drug dealers in your complex?" Caitlin and I looked at each other and grinned. "Well, we have Sirus," she said.
We got out of the car and it seemed to be winter because we were all bundled up with hats, coats, and scarves. A little boy was standing on a island in the parking lot, wearing a hat and scarf that were too big for him. "Do you want some raisins?" he asked us. "Sure!" my guy friend said to appease him. We all took some raisins and started walking to my apartment. "Why was that?" my friend asked. "Sirus," Caitlin and I replied, laughing.
We entered the door of my apartment and it was suddenly the front door of my childhood home. Sally from work was sitting on the couch playing with paper dolls. I stopped to talk to her as my friends went down the hall towards my room. Gail (our boss) had apparently told her about the paper dolls so she ordered them. She opened up her lap top computer, and it displayed a website for paper dolls. "Blast!" she said. Apparently she had been working really hard on a virtual paper doll, and was going to re-create it with the actual ones. She had closed her laptop though, and lost her work. "I really like physical things, things that you can touch, more than ones on the computer," I told her. But then she found the "On Sale" page that Gail had told her about, so she was happy.
I made my way down to my bedroom and opened the door. All of my friends from all stages in my life were there watching a movie on a big screen TV. It was dark, so the open door threw a spotlight on some people. Kari, my best friend from high school smiled and waved. I went and sat beside her.
We were watching some comedy/ sci fi movie. In the frame on pause were David Douchoveny and Jodi Foster (in her cute phase). Someone unpaused it and David had Jodi backed against a metal bulkhead of a ship in a very intense scene. Ben Cunis started yelling encouragement and acting advice to David from the back of the room. David actually heard him, and paused. Suddenly, he said "Aw, screw it," and kissed Jodi violently. You could hear the boom guy and the director starting to laugh from behind the camera. Jodi pretended to swoon. David helped her up off the floor, and they prepped to start another take. Then I woke up.
I was riding in a car through the parking lot of Summit Hills at night. A friend was driving, possibly Caitlin, and there was a tall, skinny, black-haired boy (also my friend) in the passenger seat. I was in my usual seat in the back on the left.
We made a turn, and I could see piles of Christmas trees on the side of the parking lot. The Christmas tree vendor had just left their trees there after the holiday, and it was now summer. Caitlin and the boy were laughing and talking about it. The boy asked jokingly, "Do you have any drug dealers in your complex?" Caitlin and I looked at each other and grinned. "Well, we have Sirus," she said.
We got out of the car and it seemed to be winter because we were all bundled up with hats, coats, and scarves. A little boy was standing on a island in the parking lot, wearing a hat and scarf that were too big for him. "Do you want some raisins?" he asked us. "Sure!" my guy friend said to appease him. We all took some raisins and started walking to my apartment. "Why was that?" my friend asked. "Sirus," Caitlin and I replied, laughing.
We entered the door of my apartment and it was suddenly the front door of my childhood home. Sally from work was sitting on the couch playing with paper dolls. I stopped to talk to her as my friends went down the hall towards my room. Gail (our boss) had apparently told her about the paper dolls so she ordered them. She opened up her lap top computer, and it displayed a website for paper dolls. "Blast!" she said. Apparently she had been working really hard on a virtual paper doll, and was going to re-create it with the actual ones. She had closed her laptop though, and lost her work. "I really like physical things, things that you can touch, more than ones on the computer," I told her. But then she found the "On Sale" page that Gail had told her about, so she was happy.
I made my way down to my bedroom and opened the door. All of my friends from all stages in my life were there watching a movie on a big screen TV. It was dark, so the open door threw a spotlight on some people. Kari, my best friend from high school smiled and waved. I went and sat beside her.
We were watching some comedy/ sci fi movie. In the frame on pause were David Douchoveny and Jodi Foster (in her cute phase). Someone unpaused it and David had Jodi backed against a metal bulkhead of a ship in a very intense scene. Ben Cunis started yelling encouragement and acting advice to David from the back of the room. David actually heard him, and paused. Suddenly, he said "Aw, screw it," and kissed Jodi violently. You could hear the boom guy and the director starting to laugh from behind the camera. Jodi pretended to swoon. David helped her up off the floor, and they prepped to start another take. Then I woke up.
"Fiddling with the damp tarragon left me so intensely irritated that when I was done I had to stick the ramekin/ mis en place back in the fridge and go watch both the episode where Xander is possessed by a demon and the one where Giles regresses to his outrageously sexy teen self and has sex with Buffy's mom, just to get over it."
____
"It occurs to me that I never adequately explained my devotion to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is partly because I hesitate to put into words an emotion so delicate and precious, and partly because I have just a bit of residual shame at being obsessed with anything involving Sarah Michelle Gellar. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is -- for those of you who've spent the last ten years living under a rock where the public schools ban Harry Potter books for promoting sorcery -- a television show, known to its devout followers simply as Buffy. It is about a high school girl who is the Vampire Slayer, the one girl in all the world (well, sort of, things get a little complicated on Buffy) who can fight the forces of darkness -- the Chosen One. Well, I guess that's what you'd call the premise. It's about the agonies of growing up, the importance of friendship in a harsh world, personal responsibility, love, death -- and kicking evil ass, of course. In all this it's not so unlike the Bible, except with stunt doubles and better jokes. Those of you who are offended by this can take some comfort in knowing that I am far from the first person to have made this observation. Also like the Bible, Buffy got a little bloated and Revelations-y toward the end, and between that and the Project I'd not been watching as faithfully as I might have in the last few months. But still -- this was it. The end. You don't skip out on Revelations, no matter how kind of weird and lame it is. Or maybe you do. But not the last episode of Buffy.
____
"It occurs to me that I never adequately explained my devotion to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is partly because I hesitate to put into words an emotion so delicate and precious, and partly because I have just a bit of residual shame at being obsessed with anything involving Sarah Michelle Gellar. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is -- for those of you who've spent the last ten years living under a rock where the public schools ban Harry Potter books for promoting sorcery -- a television show, known to its devout followers simply as Buffy. It is about a high school girl who is the Vampire Slayer, the one girl in all the world (well, sort of, things get a little complicated on Buffy) who can fight the forces of darkness -- the Chosen One. Well, I guess that's what you'd call the premise. It's about the agonies of growing up, the importance of friendship in a harsh world, personal responsibility, love, death -- and kicking evil ass, of course. In all this it's not so unlike the Bible, except with stunt doubles and better jokes. Those of you who are offended by this can take some comfort in knowing that I am far from the first person to have made this observation. Also like the Bible, Buffy got a little bloated and Revelations-y toward the end, and between that and the Project I'd not been watching as faithfully as I might have in the last few months. But still -- this was it. The end. You don't skip out on Revelations, no matter how kind of weird and lame it is. Or maybe you do. But not the last episode of Buffy.
This sequence from Pollyanna was one of the defining moments of my childhood, all thanks to Karl Malden.
"Gladness in the heart is the life of Man."
"Gladness in the heart is the life of Man."
Trust Lee, cooking, and Its a Wonderful Life to talk me down from a ledge.
Doesn't mean I'm wrong, just not panicking about it.
Doesn't mean I'm wrong, just not panicking about it.
“I don’t believe in colleges and universities. I believe in libraries because most students don’t have any money. When I graduated from high school, it was during the Depression and we had no money. I couldn’t go to college, so I went to the library three days a week for 10 years.” - Ray Bradbury
